Hospital Stay #2

It’s sad to have all your worldly possessions reduced to what you have in your pockets, as you are wheeled about hoping you are not forgotten like an unloved potted plant in the corner.

I’m not a fan of this. I dread the powerlessness and more so I dread the unknown. I dread waiting to hear the news of what the hell is wrong with me. Perhaps my stay in this purgatory has ended and upon my death I will be whisked away to the pearly gates to have a pow wow with Saint Peter.

My conversation with my favorite Fisher of men will be one of theology. Was I way off with what I believed? Was it predestination that made me sin or was it the weakness of the flesh? Does my father in heaven love me? Did I do enough on earth to please him so he would take me home with him.

I hate not knowing. I just want to put 20 years of living like an unhealthy idiot behind me. 16 years old and playing cbgb’s for the first time didn’t help. Being an artist in my mind didn’t help.

Sometimes the world would filter into my eyes in such a way that my only way to process it was to release a creation back on to it. Whether it be song or poem or story. Later it became helping children for a living so I could help to steer them away from all of my many mistakes.

So many life long dreams of mine in the last few months have become realities. Like owning a home. Building a home with a wife who in every way I love. My son came first. He was the first blessing that fell from heaven. A beautiful young man to match his beautiful heart. He will help so many and for that I am eternally gratefull. My son and my daughters one far away and one so close she brightens everything like the sun. I live a life of sunrises when she smiles and laughs at the grandeur of life. I dream of having everyone together under one roof so we can bask in that. My son, my daughters, my grandaughter… all of us and pepita my spirit animal who came to us all the way from Puerto Rico. She is like the daughter of my first spirit animal Moon that moonie never got a chance to give birth to.

Well let’s hope they don’t forget about this potted plant for too much longer because I really need to pee.

#AEWvsNXT …”and in one night”

All it took was one night for the true “A” brand to take its role as the “Main” show of #WWE . #NXT is number one (just like Ramses).

The war is legit on and Papa Triple H should be proud of his bouncing baby juggernaut.

#AEW will be hard pressed to top what we witnessed last night and by hook or by krook thou shouldst watch it, by any means possible. Out of 5 straps, I give it a 4. A 5 rating actually causes tears to flow.


My initial thoughts are that on first glance, it is prowrestling fans as a whole who stand to gain the most in this latest warfare of the mat. Then I ponder a little more at the cancerous nature and true villainy of Vince McMahon and I realize that by him putting nxt vs aew it is his latest back handed slap to the fans.

NXT is Triple H’s baby. So Vince naturally places that brand to fulfill the role of meat shield and shelter his true foul offspring of Monday Night Raw and Smackdown Live. If AEW wins the war, Vince will have been proven correct that his power and authority and creative control will and can never be toppled. If NXT wins Vince will take the credit and still cling to his title of Prowrestling God hood. He has stacked the deck and in his huborous, destined the destruction of his other ugly creations. He has blinded himself and surrounded himself by yes men.

Let us pray that AEW continues to grow and thrive to at least keep Vince honest and demand a creative over hall that WWE desperately needs. Also, never underestimate that only NXT’S GREATNESS is the only brand where apologists and haters find common ground. In Vince’s world now, competition is definitely a sin.

I want to say that we all win from this battle of brands, but sadly Vince is batshit crazy and high on his own supply. Enjoy the ride folks. Please check out my favorite YouTube voice and prowrestling mind @jdfromny206 he is also on Twitter. I’m a big mark of his.

The Chess Board #1

Is it real? Is any of this real? Life? Death? Taxes? I just keep running into the same block in the rat maze.

Two opposing opinions. Both can be aimed at the wielder and used as a weapon. Be wary what weapons are brought to a fight. They can be used against you if such is your fate.

I don’t know if anyone is gonna read this. But this is most assuredly non fiction. Before this whole shit house goes up in flames I will be documenting the end.

Many have said it in the past, but I truly believe that the end is near. I can feel it in my bones that the center will not hold.

The chess board. White pieces vs black pieces but the greatest power of all in that game is the one who owns the chess board. The one who pits hero against foe. All is relative. Everyone thinks they are a hero. None are villains.

It’s an endless loop of for or against. All the while you are sucked dry of your youth and vigor never even scratching the surface of your higher self.

Politics and all the world is a stage. Pro Trump Pro Obama Pro Bush Pro Clinton. It’s the same mafia. They are figure heads because secular power is always hidden for it knows it can die if found and destroyed whether through black mail or armor piercing rounds. We all bleed the same.

When I was a boy I wanted to be a priest of the Holy Roman Catholic church. Later in life my love for theology and philosophy only grew stronger by the passing day.

I would come to find through study and research that my beloved church was infiltrated by luciferians. It’s all about inversion. Consecration versus desecration and therein lay the power of luciferian magic. High Magic.

I am sure of the fact that for many centuries the dark force or owners of the chess board have been pushing the corruption of knowledge. God=good and devil = evil. Its laughable. I prefer dark force versus the light. I will always side with goodness and mercy and compassion and I will defend these concepts with my very life if I have to. Dear reader one day soon you will be asked to make that choice too. Please be ready and please be honest with yourself of who you really are. The time for lies has past us.

I dont know if anyone will ever read this. I hope this finds you well.

#WWECreative : The Return of Paul Ellering

Authors of Pain are in the ring after a commercial break. Drake Maverick has the microphone and says, “We’ve been slighted and the AOP won’t stand for this! We are the biggest dogs in this yard! You don’t piss in the wind and you dont take food from a couple rabid dogs! ”

Rezar and Akam share a long glance. They begin to look up the ramp. They then pounce on Maverick. Grabbing the mic from him while grabbing him by the throat Rezar says, “We’re not your dogs.” Akam says “We’re his”.

Aop music hits and down walks a masked man.

Down the ramp walks very slowly a thunder dome end of the world masked man in a black clad suit. The gingerly walk takes the thoughtful masked man to the ring. He removes his mask and its Paul Ellering. He says, “Your part in this story is over”. Paul points up and AOP hits the doomsday device followed by Boston crab curb stomp.

AOP ascends the ramp leaving maverick destroyed in the ring and all is right with the world.

Ghosts want blood not batteries

This is a quick thought I wanted to jot down as I WAs watching one of my favorite shows, Ghost Adventures more specifically, Halloween live episode. The jacob’s ladder and emfpump didnt seem to charge anything. Under the constraints of a live broadcast though it was doomed to fail. Time is a constraint of the living. It is the remnants of the trappings of life.

Why is it that to me, the uninitiated, that certain magic requires the blood sacrifice of an animal. The bible even prescribes it. The voodoo priest cuts the neck of the chicken. The ox is slaughtered in apocalypse now. Trauma laced in ever so slightly.

The blood touching the air is a activator then? Could the Christian’s be right all along? If we are all scared vessels then could the exposure of our blood through death be an affront to divine mandate thereby creating an upheaval of bad or dark energy just ready for the right necromancer to tap into it.

I’ll stay fighting for the light.

Job & Me

We’re God’s cursed men.

If I hurt anyone it was incidental,

I made bad choices

Because i could not achieve

Natural happinnes.

So id make a bad choice so i could

get at least a little bit of joy

Even if it was fleeting,

At least it landed on me for a bit

before it flew away into the

unknown night.

What does a cursed man do?

Now i warn people to steer clear of


They dont deserve to be hurt



Looking For Inspiration

The worst thing in the world sometimes is having no outlet for a world that seems mad. In an inverted society one must have something to vent and take out one’s frustrations.

Im getting older. Nearing 40. My most creative and artistic years seem so far behind me. Im writing this for so sheer the vacuum is within me. Im writing this as I wait for my lovely wife to get out of class. She’s studying to be a nurse but more importantly she has not gotten to the point of the futility of bettering oneself.

I just don’t have the energy for that anymore. What you see is what you get.

Sometimes i find myself daydreaming about society crumbling around me. I dream of it. The dog eat dog of it. Maybe then I would seem neccessary. Perhaps than I would be deemed worthy and important.

I don’t much like God anymore. I dont see why a dog should have his face pushed in shit to learn not to goto the bathroom on the carpet. Seems pretty fucking perverse to me. Damn right satanic. But what isn’t, in this inverted society.